The ABCs of My Life

A: Attached or single?  Attached.
B: Best friend?  The hubby
C: Cake or pie?  Cake, preferably chocolate with peanut butter frosting
D: Day of choice? Depends on what I am doing, though I do love Sundays
E: Essential item? My phone, sadly.
F: Favorite color?  Blue.
G: Gummy bears or worms?  Worms ;)
H: Hometown?  The Dirty D
I: Favorite indulgence? Going to the beach alone
J: January or July?  July
K: Kids?  Two. 
L: Life isn’t complete without?  My family.
M: Marriage date? February 24, 2007
N: Number of siblings? One younger brother
O: Oranges or apples?  Oranges.
P: Phobias? Toads. YUCK.
Q: Quotes? Love them. Live by, "Everything happens for a reason."
R: Reasons to smile? My kids make me smile every day.
S: Season of choice? Fall.
T: Tag 5 people. I am pleading the 5th on this one.
U: Unknown fact about me. I never eat the last bite of anything.
V: Vegetable? Squash
W: Worst habit? Cracking my toes 
X: x-ray or ultrasound? I would say ultrasound, hubby would prefer me to have an x-ray. ;)
Y: Your favorite food? Depends on the day and the mood...but Godiva Dark Chocolate and Vanilla truffles would pretty much work any day.
Z: Zodiac sign? Scorpio (not surprising, huh?)

Feeling and Dealing with The Sting

It's summertime and we are loving the sunshine, the ocean, and the carefree days. But sadly, you can still get stung in the summertime...and not by a bee.

I got a job rejection letter today -- one I was NOT expecting. For some reason, I was feeling pretty good about my chances. I had made it through the 1st round (Q&A session with the nominating committee, followed up by teaching a lesson) and was called in to meet the Dean of Instruction for my second round. It was great. He and I are approximately the same age, had a lot in common, he said he liked my answers, thought I was a really good candidate...and then today I got the "thanks, but no thanks" letter.

I was floored. I mean, this job was to run the local community college's Writing Center and teach writing classes. The school is 2 minutes down the road from my house. I already adjunct there twice a week, and have for the past 3 years. Seriously, I couldn't have created a more perfect job if I had done it myself.

Obviously I didn't fit the mold. I read that rejection letter and just started crying. We were on our way to (surprise, surprise) Starbucks...and I could not stop the tears. They continued as I ordered my vanilla chai, as I waited for my drink, and all the way home. The anger was boiling up inside....then the depression set in. I could sense that familiar feeling of self-hatred making its way back into my heart.

You're such an idiot. How can you not get a job at a community college teaching YOUR subject? What is wrong with you? Look at some of these people who teach there full-time and YOU can't get a job there? What a loser. Face it, you are not destined to do more than what you do. Why do you think you can ever move "up"? Stupid. That rejection is a personal one. He didn't like you, didn't think you could do the job. Time to hang up the ambitions of moving on and just be happy with the hand you've been dealt.

This is the third time this year I have put myself out there and been turned down. A few months ago I applied for a teaching position at the same community college. Rejected. But the most painful one was back in November at my current high school. They needed a new department chair. Being reasonably seasoned, mature, responsible, smart, friendly, I thought I was a shoo-in. Little did I know that the principal had already asked the 28-year-old cheerleading coach if she would do it. They weren't expecting me to apply. Therefore, we had to go through the motions of an interview process...only for me to find out later that they were just placating me. The cheerleaders knew their coach was getting the position before I even interviewed. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and angry.

How many times do we have to get slapped in the face before we finally turn and walk away? How do we not take it personally?